Why We Abandon Ourselves (and how to find our way back) | Noreen Angela
- Noreen Macdonald
- Jun 26
- 3 min read
Have you ever stopped to wonder whether you've been abandoning yourself?
It's a phrase I use often in my work, but many people aren't quite sure what it means.
The truth is, self-abandonment rarely happens overnight. It's something that quietly becomes a habit. Over time we stop listening to ourselves, ignore our intuition, and begin making decisions based on everyone else's needs instead of our own.
Eventually we wake up feeling disconnected from who we really are.
What does self-abandonment look like?
Most people don't realise they're doing it because it has become so normal.
It can look like:
Constantly putting other people's needs before your own.
Being unable to say no.
People pleasing.
Staying silent instead of speaking your truth.
Ignoring your own feelings to keep the peace.
Remaining in unhealthy relationships.
Continuing habits or addictions that you know aren't serving you.
Living a life that looks fine from the outside but doesn't feel right on the inside.
I spent many years as a people pleaser. Saying yes felt easier than risking disappointing someone else. Boundaries felt uncomfortable, so I often ignored my own needs.
When we continually put everyone else first—our partner, our children, our work, our addictions—we slowly disappear from our own lives.
How does this happen?
Often these patterns begin much earlier than we realise.
Sometimes they stem from childhood experiences or attachment patterns. Sometimes they're simply behaviours we've repeated for so long that they've become automatic.
Whatever the reason, the result is the same.
We become so disconnected from ourselves that we stop trusting our own inner voice.
We lose contact with our intuition.
We forget what we actually want.
Curiosity is where change begins
One of the foundations of my work is curiosity.
Not judgement.
Not shame.
Curiosity.
Instead of asking,
"What's wrong with me?"
Try asking,
Why do I keep choosing this?
What am I trying to get from this behaviour?
What am I afraid might happen if I stop?
What need am I trying to meet?
Whether it's alcohol, unhealthy relationships, overworking, people pleasing or constantly saying yes, every behaviour is trying to solve something.
When we become curious instead of critical, we begin to understand ourselves rather than fight ourselves.
Then comes honesty
Curiosity opens the door.
Honesty allows us to walk through it.
This is where we gently acknowledge the truth.
"Yes... I can see myself doing that."
Without blame.
Without beating ourselves up.
Just honest awareness.
Because awareness is the beginning of change.
Self-inquiry creates transformation
Once we're willing to look honestly at ourselves, we can begin asking deeper questions.
What is this behaviour giving me?
What am I protecting myself from?
What am I really longing for?
Is this helping me become the person I want to be?
These questions aren't always comfortable.
But they are incredibly powerful.
Courageous change
Insight alone isn't enough.
Eventually we reach a point where we get to choose.
Do I keep abandoning myself?
Or do I begin choosing myself?
This isn't about becoming selfish.
It's about becoming self-loyal.
It's learning that you can care deeply about others without disappearing from your own life.
Every boundary you set.
Every honest conversation.
Every time you choose what is healthy over what is familiar...
...you take another step home.
Welcome home to yourself
This is the heart of the work I now do with my clients.
Helping people reconnect with themselves through curiosity, honesty and courageous change.
Because when you stop abandoning yourself, something remarkable happens.
You begin trusting yourself again.
You become clearer in your decisions.
Your relationships improve.
Life feels lighter because you're no longer living for everyone else.
You finally return to yourself.
And that's where real transformation begins.
You matter.
You are allowed to choose yourself.
You don't need to justify it.
Ready to begin your journey back to yourself?
If this resonated with you, I'd love to help.
Whether through Integrative Hypnotherapy, Transformational Life Coaching or Holistic Therapy, we'll work together to understand what's keeping you stuck and help you reconnect with the person you've always been underneath the patterns.
Because home isn't somewhere you find.
It's someone you return to.
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